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"Won't" may be "Can't"
Dear Dr. Thackrey,
My 9-year-old daughter excels in reading and math, and can concentrate
for hours on the computer. She's been doing Taekwondo for more than
a year and doesn't want to stop, but she's not really trying in class
and she hasn't made any progress in a long time. During class she
doesn't listen, she stares and makes faces in the mirror and acts
silly, and sometimes she's totally lost in a daydream while the rest
of the class is doing something. She looks sloppy and weak and unenthusiastic,
and she gets her feelings hurt , gets mad, and gives up easily. I
see other kids her age who take their training seriously, and I told
my daughter I'm going to pull per out of Taekwondo if she won't try
harder and show more respect for the art. What do you think?
Frustrated & Loving Mom
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Dear FLM,
Sometimes a kid who "won't" is really
a kid who "can't." I'm
sure you've already taken into account factors such as personality of the
teacher and others in her class, behavioral expectations at your Taekwondo
school, appropriateness of the curriculum, etc., as well as anything that
might be unique to your child.
Many kids have serious difficulties in "paying
attention," "trying," or "learning" because of
subtle atypicalities in nervous system structure or function. There are
different kinds of intellectual processes and different kinds of attentional
processes. It's possible to be gifted in some areas yet impaired in other
areas; some kids can pay attention and perform well under some circumstances
yet be quite distractible and dysfunctional in other situations.
There
are few hard-and-fast markers, and examination by a qualified professional
(e.g., pediatric neuropsychologist, pediatric neurologist, child psychiatrist)
may help. I recommend that you continue to support your daughter's Taekwondo
training, maintain close consultation with your daughter's Instructor,
and emphasize Positive Teaching methods (see Summer 2002 Taekwondo Today).
In the do-jang setting look for the following Neurocognitive Atypicalities
when "won't" may be "can't":
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| Neurocognitive Atypicalities |
| Thinking: |
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"not trying," passive |
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stares, daydreams |
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impulsive, erratic |
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overlooks details |
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obsessional |
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forgetful |
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disorganized |
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trouble with order, sequence |
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not understanding or not following instructions |
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struggle with expressive language |
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right-side left-side confusion |
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right-side left-side confusion |
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short attention span
(almost always better in some situations than in others) |
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inefficient learning
(almost always good at some things poor at others) |
Emotions: |
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unhappy, discouraged, depressed |
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low frustration tolerance, irritable |
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excitable or unstable
mood |
Social behavior: |
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talking out, disruptive |
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oppositional, attention-seeking, silly |
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hypersensitive,
shy, withdrawn |
Movement quality: |
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overactive, wiggly, squirmy |
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stiff, awkward |
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sloppy, loose (especially hands) |
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weak, easily fatigued |
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sluggish, slow |
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poor orientation to space, direction, distance |
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extreme right-side
vs. left-side differences |
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mixed dominance
(e.g., right-handed, left-footed, left-eyed) |
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odd movements
of eyes, mouth, neck, head, hand
(especially on one side of body, or repetitive, or during exertion)
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| Misha Thackrey, PhD, is Professor of Psychology
at California State University Fresno, Diplomate
in Clinical Psychology of the American Board of Professional
Psychology, and WTF International Referee. All material
copyright © 2002 by Dr. Thackrey, used by permission.
You can "Ask Dr. Thackrey" at misha@csufresno.edu
or c/o Department of Psychology, California State
University, Fresno CA 93740 |
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